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Good evening, my name is Doctor Octavius and I have
important news to share with you. This message comes with great weight- I am
currently trapped within the moon. Little is it known that the moon is in fact
not a dead piece of rock but serves as an observation station/tomato
conservatory for what remains of the Soviet Elite. I was up here doing research
on potential tomato based energy methods when we were subjected to some kind of
cyber attack. Our computer systems have failed and I don’t imagine I can go
much farther than this room- oxygen systems are more or less shot. In the mean
time, however, I would suggest getting to the moon as soon as possible and
rescue us from whatever has befallen us. It’s come to my attention that the
orbit computer alignment cybernetic grid has been broken and the moon is about
to crash into the Pacific Ocean, so I’d imagine it’s in
your best interest to save us.
Grey Belvedere stood dumbfounded at this message that had
appeared on his register. Until then, he had just been a cashier at Toys ‘R’
Us. He reached over to flick the switch to close his register.
“Jess, I’m taking my break!” Grey shouted, as he went to
ponder what he was to do. It did not even occur to Grey that this was a hoax,
because for some reason, heroes tend not to. Luckily for us, Grey had no reason
to believe it was a hoax and the moon was indeed hurtling towards the earth. He
decided it best to visit his mother.
As he drove to his mothers place in Delaware
it became all too evident that he had spent far too much time driving cross
country and far too little preventing the moon from hitting the earth, which it
was in the process of doing at that very moment. A very large wave came
crashing down upon Grey and his tiny Morris Mini and he, like the rest of North
America, became submerged for exactly 3 months. Grey had proven
terribly useless in a time of need and serves as proof of how useless toys r us
is. Especially their employees.
Doctor Octavius, however, was still very much alive. He
awoke amongst the debris of the ship and immediately started panicking because
he thought there was no oxygen. After a few minutes of rolling on the floor he
realized that he could breath and got to his feet.
“Well, that was interesting.” He thought to himself, and
climbed out from under the shattered moon. He stood upon a crater (that was
actually the pool) and looked around him. Everything was underwater except for
a strange ramen stand. He waded over and took a seat at the bar. The owner was
a bald Asian man with a fu Manchu- there were no other patrons.
“how is this shop still standing? I’d imagine the world was
engulfed by a very large wave.”
The man just stared at him.
“well could I have some ramen at least?”
Dr. Octavius ate his bowl of ramen in silence. It was a bit
salty, mostly because the Ramen shop had been sopped in ocean water moments
before. He sat wondering what had become of the world, now that it was mostly
underwater. He wondered about being Doctor Octavius. Certainly without society
being a Doctor doesn’t mean much, right?
As he slurped his salty ramen, it became unfortunately
obvious that the world wouldn’t be quite the same after being stuck underwater.
It was just him, the ramen shack, and the silent ramen man for miles, in the
new ocean of what used to be Midwest America.
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